I’ve just launched my Ko-fi page under the name Canalside Life Coach. You can find it here

Why this matters:

Over time, many of you have asked how you might support the writing, videos and content I create. I wanted a way that is open, transparent, and optional—something that complements (not replaces) what I already offer freely.

With Ko-fi:

You can make a one-time or recurring “tip” / contribution, as much or as little as you’re comfortable with

Every contribution helps my chosen charity:

Canal & River Trust

Canal & River Trust Youtube channel

This will motivate me to fuel new experiments, better resources, more free content, and keeps me focused on bringing value to you

What’s next / how you can help:

Visit the page: ko-fi.com/canalsidelifecoach

Share it with others who might find value in what I do

Thank you for being on this journey with me. Your support - whether through contributions, sharing, or encouraging words - makes a difference.

With gratitude, Anne

Can I make a donation towards a charity that you support? YES! - my chosen charity is The Canal & River Trust, please use the Ko-fi button :)

Understanding the Karpman Drama Triangle

Ever find yourself stuck in recurring conflicts, feeling like you're playing the same roles over and over?

The Karpman Drama Triangle is a model that sheds light on these dynamics.

Developed by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle illustrates three roles people often assume in conflicts: the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor.

The Victim role embodies feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Victims often feel oppressed and believe they lack the power to change their circumstances.

Rescuers feel compelled to help, often stepping in to 'save' the Victim. While their intentions may be good, they can inadvertently keep Victims dependent and neglect their own needs.

The Persecutor role is characterized by criticism and blame. Persecutors assert control and often demean others, keeping Victims feeling oppressed.

Interestingly, individuals can shift between these roles. A Rescuer might become a Persecutor when their help isn't appreciated, or a Victim might become a Persecutor out of frustration.

🔴 To break free from this cycle, awareness is key:

by recognizing these patterns, we can choose healthier responses

Victims can seek empowerment

Rescuers can set boundaries

Persecutors can practice empathy

Understanding the Drama Triangle helps us navigate conflicts more effectively, leading to healthier relationships and personal growth.

The Empowerment Dynamic or “TED” by David Emerald (with Donna Zajonc)

This model reframes or “flips” the negative roles of the Drama Triangle - Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer - into more constructive, growth-oriented roles: Creator, Challenger, Coach.

Victim → Creator Instead of seeing themselves as powerless, the Creator recognizes they have choice in responding to challenges; focuses on what they want to bring into their life rather than what’s holding them back.

Persecutor → Challenger Rather than blaming or controlling, the Challenger calls out what needs to change, encourages growth, holds accountability, and supports development. Constructive rather than punitive.

Rescuer → Coach Instead of “saving” or overhelping, the Coach supports others to find their own path. Uses inquiry, listening, helps others uncover their own insights rather than doing things for them.

Why it works / what makes it helpful

• Mindset shift: From problem-focused (“What’s broken / who’s to blame / how can I save”) to possibility-focused (“What do I want / what choices do I have / how might growth happen”)

• More agency: Encourages people to see themselves as having power to respond rather than being stuck or oppressed

• Healthier relationships & communication: Less blame, less rescuing, fewer cycles of frustration. More accountability and collaboration

Imagine someone at work: Drama Triangle version: “I can’t get anything done because my team never supports me (Victim). Why are you not pulling your weight? (Persecutor). Let me fix this so we don’t look bad (Rescuer).”

TED version: “What outcome do I want to contribute here? (Creator). I notice some gaps in how we’re coordinating—what can we learn and improve? (Challenger). How can I support you in achieving that? What ideas do you have? (Coach).”

So next time you feel yourself slipping into Victim → Rescuer → Persecutor

PAUSE

Ask: Which role am I taking right now?

Then choose the TED alternative: be a Creator, take responsibility; a Challenger, speak truth with compassion; or a Coach, empower rather than rescue.

PHRASES for each TED:

CREATOR (rather than victim role)

• An outcome statement about what you care about or aspire to CLARIFIES:

by asking yourself - How would I like the conversation to go?

Given the situation, what do I want?

Learn to check in with your real feelings - this takes time

• Pause when you feel triggered. Give yourself a moment to take a breath and repeat your new mantra: assume innocent intent.

Ask directly and kindly, “What is your intent here?” or “What do you really want in this situation? It would help me understand where you’re coming from.”

PLEASE note - there may be situations where you are a victim of agressive or predatorial behaviour - learning the difference is crucial

CHALLENGE (rather than persecutor role)

• Listen and understand rather than interrupt

• Add information in a way that can increase the chance of a constructive conversation

"I clearly see your enthusiasm. Let’s bring the focus back to the topic at hand"

"I appreciate hearing your comments. I see it differently and want to share my viewpoint"

COACH (rather than rescuer role)

• Before offering your thoughts, try asking:

“Would you like my support?”

“How can I support you right now?”

Try some DIY 🛠️🪚Life Coaching on my YouTube channel and have a look through my Playlists including for Transactional Analysis (TA) & PLEASE subscribe! Thank you 😄

I am qualified and certified in Advanced Coaching – with Processes for Personal & Professional Transformation (NLP School 2024), including TA and Re-scripting, and have the TA101 Certificate.

FREE RESOURCES from Canalside Life Coach

DIAGRAM:

The official site of the Karpman Drama Triangle is a bit old-fashioned to look at, but still the original source:

Have you heard of "I'm OK, You're OK"?

Find out about Life Positions in TA – and improve wellbeing and relationships in every part of your life.

This simple but powerful idea from Transactional Analysis helps us understand how we see ourselves and others.

There are four basic Life Positions in this really insightful concept from Eric Berne.

We all tend to operate from one of them, especially as we get older and reflect on our life journey.

🟢 “I’m OK – You’re OK”

This is the most balanced, healthy position. It’s when you believe in your own worth and see the good in others

💬 Think of someone who volunteers at a community centre – they’re calm, non-judgmental, encouraging. That’s this position in action.

🟡 “I’m OK – You’re not OK”

This can come from years of disappointment or burnout. Maybe you were a teacher or nurse and felt like others weren’t pulling their weight

💬 You might think, “I’m doing my best – why aren’t they?”

🔵 “I’m not OK – You’re OK”

Very common after big life transitions – retirement, children leaving home, or comparing ourselves on social media

💬 You might feel like others are coping better than you and start doubting yourself.

🔴 “I’m not OK – You’re not OK”

This one’s the trickiest. It can sneak in after a loss, illness, or isolation. Everything just feels flat or pointless. But here’s the good news – we can shift our mindset.

💚 Just being aware of your current life position is a brilliant first step. Then, with kindness – to yourself and others – you can move toward “I’m OK – You’re OK”

Practical tips for transforming life positions include:

🪜 setting achievable personal goals gives a sense of direction and accomplishment, fostering a more positive self-view.

🎭 practicing empathy enables a better understanding of others’ perspectives, reducing conflict and enhancing relationships

🪴 cultivating a supportive social environment to find encouragement and validation, which are essential for maintaining a healthy life position.

By integrating these strategies into daily life, we gradually shift towards the ‘I’m OK, You’re OK’ stance, leading to improved overall wellbeing and more fulfilling relationships in every part of our life.

WATCH my video Life Positions in TA

Try some DIY 🛠️🪚Life Coaching on my YouTube channel and have a look through my Playlists

PLEASE subscribe! Thank you 😄

I am qualified and certified in Advanced Coaching – with Processes for Personal & Professional Transformation (NLP School 2024), including TA and Re-scripting, and have the TA101 Certificate.

Try some DIY 🛠️🪚Life Coaching on my YouTube channel @canalsidelifecoach and PLEASE subscribe! Thank you 😄

If you want to enjoy life coaching with a professional, start your journey with a ✴ FREE introduction call: VIDEO or VOICE your choice:

PLEASE be mindful that I am not medically trained and cannot advise on any mental or physical health conditions. Please consult a qualified expert if you need help.