Transactional Analysis (TA)

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Transactional Analysis (TA) is helpful in coaching

Scripts and Life Positions:

Life Scripts: These have an impact on our choices and behaviour.

Example: Someone with a "Loser" script might sabotage their own success.

Identify your Life Script: TA has tools for recognizing and understanding your own script.

Changing Your Script: Rewrite limiting life scripts and adopt empowering beliefs.

Applying TA in personal development:

Communication Strategies: Practical tips using TA to improve communication; adopting active listening, "I" statements.

Example: Avoid "Parent" language that criticizes or belittles.

Personal Growth: TA can help you achieve self-awareness and personal development.

Healthy Relationships: TA can strengthen relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.

Transactional Patterns:

Complementary Transactions: complementary transactions maintain the status quo.

Example: A teacher (Parent) asks a student (Child) a question, and the student (Child) answers (Child).

Crossed Transactions: create confusion and conflict.

Example: A manager (Parent) asks an employee (Adult) a question, but the employee (Child) responds with sarcasm (Child).

Ulterior Transactions: Uncover hidden agendas and manipulative communication patterns.

Example: Someone offers a compliment (Parent) but expects something in return (Child).

Understanding Your Ego States:

The Three Egos: Parent, Adult, and Child ego states

Parent Ego State - behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied (not always wittingly) from parents or parent figures

Adult Ego State - behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here and now

Child Ego State - behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood.

I am qualified and certified in Advanced Coaching – with Processes for Personal & Professional Transformation [nlp school]

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 2 days ago

Frothy pink July

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At last the honeysuckle

grapples through the tree

Reaching skyward

beside the frothy pink of

the flowering almond

Chicks are chirping in the gutters

watching the parent sparrows below

nipping at seeds in the feeder

To and fro

To and fro

https://www.canalsidecoach.app/here-for-you

Updated: 5 days ago

Working through transitions in life

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Working through transitions in life

Call it a change, a challenge or whatever else, we all have to cope with transitions in life - whether chosen or not.

How do we do that? Making meaning in our lives is the key - can we give meaning to a difficult situation?

a meaning making bridge can be devised, either in small steps

or, if you need to, a bigger effort to tackle some fundamentals if you have not had to do that before (or in this particular way)

HOW?

  • face reality

  • look ahead

  • see bigger picture or reframe as opportunity

  • new goals

  • balanced view - don't take failure or challenge personally

  • build and maintain resilience

If you need a guide through this, I can help

https://www.canalsidecoach.app/

Updated: 5 days ago

I take a pause on the garden bench

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I take a pause on the garden bench

It's the end of May, just about Bank Holiday Monday time...and predictably it's cool and breezy, with no sun here in Kings Norton for the last 3 days.

The honeysuckle is hovering in the air, the spurt of growth from a bit of heat a week ago, yet the flowers are not quite ready to come out and perfume the air, attracting bees - and me, as I take a pause on the garden bench.

I will wait for the warmth and the sun.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app/here-for-you

Updated: 1 month ago

A little known response to stress

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A little known response to stress

is that a neuro-hormone called oxytocin is released.  

It protects the cardiovascular system, is anti-inflammatory, helps blood vessels relax and cells in the body to heal and strengthen.  It is enhanced by social contact and social support - the more we reach out, the more oxytocin is released.

Through human connection, we can have personal resilience - trust that you can handle inevitable stress and you can aim for meaning in your life.

This amazing hormone fine-tunes our brain's SOCIAL instincts, priming us to do things that strengthen social relationships, enhancing empathy - we notice when someone else is struggling, even as we feel stressed about (possibly) the same external factors. We become willing to help and support people we care about.  

It also motivates us to seek support, to tell someone how we feel.

Remember it can give immediate relief to seek professional help - set up a session to talk with a life coach, or for more deep seated issues in your past, a therapist for guidance and support.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Reference: How to make stress your friend | Kelly McGonigal, TED talk

Updated: 1 month ago

Setting boundaries is important

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Setting boundaries is important - especially when experiencing exhaustion or burnout

Remember a little positive change in your thinking and behaviour each day makes a difference.

If your body is very stressed, it may be more of a challenge to even consider making changes - yet as you live each day, changes are happening!  

The knack to balancing your life is to blend the needs of the body and the mind.

When working towards the outcomes you want, remember you need self compassion along with application - as a coach, I am here to help you kindly encourage you to trust yourself to keep going.

Setting boundaries is important - especially when experiencing exhaustion or burnout.

Learn how to set boundary goals, gently practice assertive communication skills, and work through feelings you might have when you say "No."

Remember it can give immediate relief to seek professional help - set up a session to talk with a life coach, or for more deep seated issues in your past, a therapist for guidance and support.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 1 month ago

Gardeners hands

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Gardeners Hands

after an unusually hot (for Kings Norton in Birmingham, UK!) day early in May, I look down at my gardeners hands and

what do I see?

dirt under the nails, a couple of scratches on my arms - as the light of the sun going down shows the white lilac almost glowing alongside the honeysuckle reaching for the sky as it climbs the fence

and what do I hear?

short chirrups, a trio of tweets and the sweet song of a blackbird high on a chimney

and what do I feel?

the gloaming* is alive with life as May bursts in on us, full of promise and growth.

*as used by Scots: meaning twilight, dusk

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 1 month ago

Use the season - find your flow

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Canalside walks, good for the body and mind

Use the season - find your flow

Being aware of the natural world around you that informs your very being will help you sensitise to priorities...

Are the birds gathering bits to build a nest? Are the goslings splashing after their Mum in the canal?

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

WORKING WITH THE CANALSIDE COACH GIVES SPACE TO REFLECT, BOOST THE POSITIVES AND ACHIEVE YOUR OUTCOMES

Updated: 1 month ago

Our robin sings in next door's tree

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Early May morning in Kings Norton, Birmingham - sunny, warm and a refreshing breeze

Our robin sings in next door's tree, after waiting patiently for all the other birds to eat their fill - the two gangs of sparrows, some swinging on the feeders, others dancing around in the grass below alongside the lone blackbird and the young fieldfare.

I miss last year's robin who had only one leg, hopping nearer the back door, spotting little snacks behind the pots.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

WORKING WITH THE CANALSIDE COACH GIVES SPACE TO REFLECT, BOOST THE POSITIVES AND ACHIEVE YOUR OUTCOMES!

Updated: 1 month ago

Worklife - what does it mean to you?

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What is worklife?

I put the words together because anything that happens in life, we have to work for it or towards it...think of it as where you focus your energy.  

So paid work is just an aspect of your whole life.  We have unpaid work that is "the rest of our life".

How do you think about your "worklife"?

Do you value the unpaid aspects?

Do you identify solely as the job you do that is paid?

There is a significant part of the world's activities exploding with the idea that only your job matters - is this true?  Do you consider other things in your life to matter?

How can you balance it all?

If you need a nudge and guide, I'm here to help:

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

WORKING WITH THE CANALSIDE COACH GIVES SPACE TO REFLECT, BOOST THE POSITIVES AND ACHIEVE YOUR OUTCOMES!

Updated: 1 month ago

Knitting at the front of the boat

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Canalside walks, good for the body and mind

Knitting at the front of the boat

Towards the Guillotine Lock at Kings Norton in Birmingham (the only one in the world!) the canal boat slows,

the hand on the tiller easing and assessing the distance before there will be only 3 fingers widths on either side.

A couple of others giving advice, shouting how far to go....

and quietly at the front, a woman sitting inside, serenely knitting

Calm, methodical...redolent of days of old, women knitting wherever they are.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

WORKING WITH THE CANALSIDE COACH GIVES SPACE TO REFLECT, BOOST THE POSITIVES AND ACHIEVE YOUR OUTCOMES

Updated: 1 month ago

7 types of Rest

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Are you getting enough of each of these 7 types of rest?

  • as you read through, jot down a score between 1 and 4 - then you can have a think about answering the question above

Physical: Being able to use the body in positive ways to decrease muscle tension, reduce headaches, and promote higher quality sleep

Mental: the ability to quiet the chatter in your mind and focus on what matters to you

Emotional: the freedom to express your authentic feelings and remove people-pleasing tendencies

Social: the wisdom to recognize relationships that rejuvenate from ones that drain and how to limit exposure to toxic people

Sensory: the opportunity to downgrade sensory input received from electronics, background noise, crowds, sources like fragrances and food

Creative: the experience of allowing beauty to inspire wonder and curiosity

Spiritual: the capacity to experience a higher purpose and deeper meaning in your life

Take some space to consider one small step towards resting...

Inspired by "Sacred Rest: Recover Your life, Renew Your energy, Restore Your Sanity"(https://ichoosemybestlife.com/sacred-rest/) by Saundra Dalton-Smith

For support in your journey to a more rested life, I'm here for you: https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 1 month ago

Keeping going over 60

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Keeping going over 60

I'm surprised this month as I realise I will be 64! The pandemic and all it's whirlwind of changes in home and work life meant I didn't stop to think of the so called milestone of reaching my 60th birthday. And I've really just surfaced now, 4 years later. I wonder how many others are feeling the same?

It's made me think about stopping and having a deep think about how I navigate the next few years. The challenges most of us face once over 60 include:

Health: changes in physical and mental health can make overcoming obstacles more draining.

Retirement: adjusting to a new routine and missing the structure of work can be demotivating.

Loss: grieving loved ones or facing a change in living circumstances can drain energy and purpose.

Ageism: societal messages about aging can make feeling down about challenges more likely.

SO: HOW CAN WE STAY MOTIVATED?

some ideas and inspiration - just reading the words can help your mind open up:

Focus on progress, not perfection: celebrate small wins to maintain momentum.

Find a purpose: volunteer, take up a new hobby, or reconnect with old passions.

Stay connected: build a strong support network of friends, family, or online communities.

Embrace lifelong learning: take courses, attend workshops, or read inspiring content.

Prioritize self-care: get enough sleep, eat healthily, and manage stress through exercise and /or relaxation techniques.

Reframe challenges: view setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.

Celebrate resilience: acknowledge how you've overcome challenges in the past.

Focus on strengths: recognize the skills and experience gained over a lifetime.

Maintain a positive attitude: gratitude and optimism can fuel motivation.

If you're finding some of the above hard to do, find connection in your network of friends, family, or via online communities.

Remember it can give immediate relief to seek professional help - set up a session to talk with a life coach, or for more deep seated issues in your past, a therapist for guidance and support.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 1 month ago

When Life feels hard

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When Life feels hard

Whether occasionally or frequently, we all need someone who gives encouragement and allows us to flourish.

I am a positive supporter of anyone who feels a bit lost. I will validate and acknowledge you.

There are times we face situations that feel beyond our control.  Sometimes we sense we have lost our way and even who we are.

You may be asking where do I go next?  How do I move on after all that has happened to me?

Your major life transition could be: bereavement, illness, moving home, job change, different country/language, changes around family life such as older parents, partner, children - or anything that is a major shift in your life right now

WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN LIFE FEELS HARD

"Where could you find support that you aren't getting right now?"

Warmth, kindness and wisdom - if you need these, I am here

I am positive, encouraging and patient. I will work at your pace to discover ways to access your inner resources, your energy and focus.

If you feel you've lost yourself along life's journey, now is the time to take a breath and be at ease.

https://www.canalsidecoach.app

Updated: 1 month ago